This weekend I once again ventured into North Philadelphia to visit family members. I also ran into a few people that are now parents and my age. Thankfully, they seem to have learned from their parents and genuinely care for their children. It makes me very proud to see an old male friend take up his responsibilities as a father with serious effort.There are some "actual" men of all races in North Philly that don't see taking care of their child as a chore. Those same men take care of their children for reasons beyond "I'm supposed to do it". This sort of male bonding is important as most crimes are committed by men. Which as a result makes male role models crucially important in order to curve violence.The consequences of having a male role model gap are far more serious in the hood than in many other places.Here's another real world example of how this sort of thing happens. Say you have a kid 8-10 years of age that has happily lived with pops all of his life. Dad's the guy that takes you out once in a while because he broke up with your mom. She's gone from home with 4-5 different boyfriends every week while your bothers are out on the street trying to sell crack. You now have a gap in your life where parents are not around and you're "forced" to take care of yourself. Time goes on and now you're 13 years old and it's that time for puberty to kick in and turn your world upside down. Unlike a "normal" kid you've known about that birds and bees crap for quite some time, possibly first grade. You also know people in school have started having sex at age 11 so you'll need to catch up to look good..
You're a goddamn kid you don't know anything about masculinity but what you see in BET, hear from your brothers and maybe the drug dealers on the corner. Take a look at the landscape of who's around to fill the male role model gap. For those that are lucky and have some sense the church or school will quickly step in before the hood can. But sadly for many young men this isn't the case at all. One particular young man I knew followed this pattern of "gap filling" almost exactly. He ended up having a free license to go sell pot on the corner while being 13 years old. With mom running around with guys all day no one would be around to supervise him. He would eventually start selling from his house for convenience while watching movies after cutting class. It worked out pretty well for him to the point he gained quite a bit of notoriety around school for being a "dealer". He was just like those guys on TV and on the corner, a badass, a "gangster". You might laugh at some small time pot dealer becoming popular but to a group of Justin Beiber aged kids he may as well have been snoop.
Then you start to see the patterns, taking pictures on Facebook with your shirt off to show everyone how built and badass you are. Start taking pictures of guns and money to put up on Facebook to show them how much "game" you got hustling. The sweet 10 year old in 3 years has now become a moronic douchebag. The girls at that teenage range also eat that shit up very quickly. They now see him as a stud and someone they're going to marry. That is if they're not already dating a guy in his mid 20's at the age of 13. I've lost track of how many girls would go to a "neighbors" house at age 13-15 to have sex with older men that had a record. In many Hispanic communities when the parents found out they were overjoyed. "My little girl is getting married and off with a nice young man how wonderful!". The issue lies with many countries still marrying off girls around that age, tied with the fact many parents have only recently entered the United States. Thus if you consider their lens on the world it's perfectly acceptable to have a girl that young marrying off and screwing older men who will "take care of her". Needless to say these "gangsters" usually have tons of girls they're screwing and getting pregnant. Especially when they're unsupervised most of the day and can do whatever they want.
It's sickening what happens to the children that are products of these scenarios. I remember working at a school for a few years and seeing first hand from a faculty perspective how frustrating the situation is. Often the mother has ruined her life and been abandoned by family creating an incentive to turn to drugs which end up harming the developing fetus. The fathers I know of often gang up in little groups to talk about how "that child support money is bullshit". They often all whine in little circles about how they have a few baby mommas to take care of. It's often difficult to find man proud of his child and willing to take the responsibility of caring the baby. What's worse is that many of these men would have to admit to having sex with a minor. They often remain silent and deny that they were the father for that reason. (Or they cheated to show how much game they have)Now fast forward to school a few years in and you have parents in the office crying and arguing that their kid got straight A's. "The fuck, yall liyin yall trying to make me poor n shit" Direct quote from a parent who I tried to calm down when I said her son was reading at a third grade level in first. The issue is that there are a few citywide programs that provide extra funds to parents with particularly pressing needs. (It also adds to child support) Especially those with children that need special care and treatment in school. It provides a nice padding to the paychecks every month to held the mother with her... expenses... In essence many of these mothers begin to see their child as a tool for generating income with very little effort. Which is ideal if you have no skills and are addicted to crack and need the money. As a result many kids end up going to school being told by their parents to misbehave and what to say to school officials to get their attention. That particular child came to class the next day causing issues after three months of perfect behavior. He flipped over tables, he stuck his hand up a girls skirt and started cursing at everyone. His mother was overjoyed when he was transferred to special education.
It's in moments like those that I'm overjoyed to see responsible parents with little income and skills at least trying to help. They may not have much but at the very least they love their children enough not to use them. It's in this way that the children in North Philly are poorer than those in many third world countries, at least in those men and women have a great pride in their children But for those that are used as tools it's only logical the cycle will perpetuate. This is why a safe haven is imperative for older children and something I hope to attain in the future.
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