Phase one

 Phase one of operation guardian angel.

Now that the hard part of the math is done, for $500k a year in interest earned I can funnel that money into my clandestine charity. Like a cabal for but philanthropic. 

I am going to hire several people to scope out the neighborhood. I will be hiring some lawyers to keep them quiet and get them around $80k a year with health insurance. 

They will establish what portion of the city programs for childcare are not being met and what portions are. Once we have that figure a choice will have to be made on how to proceed with the program. We can either carve out an entirely new secret and elite daycare program that will be free or augment and help existing ones. Given the infrastructure is in place for existing programs it makes far more sense to go with the existing programs. 

    From there we need to interview parents and gather information on what the current challenges are and why they can't find the affordable childcare they need for that microcosm of the city. With that report in hand we will need to find some lawyers and craft out a new non-profit. Hide my identity behind some legal jujitsu and proceed to actual program financing. With only $500k a year self funded it will be critical to start small and only service a small number of kids. Get licensed and insured and get everything up to code if we are going into the new construction route. 

I will keep detailed metrics on performance and will need to consult data analysts used to this kind of data. The surveys need to be detailed enough that I can track metrics and impact year to year.

As far as I am aware outside of the city itself very few programs exist like this anywhere. I can't believe this is finally happening.  

If I can pull this off I can fix the place. 

Another Story of Another Life Lost

This particular girl was a dear friend of mine that I met through rather.. unique circumstances. We'll call her Christine for now. There was a point in my life where I attended an after-school program for troubled teens. They had a computer room where I found one of the computers signed on with an AOL Instant Messenger program left on. I messaged the person when they signed in on their computer. Told them I'd sign off it and to be careful because they never knew who might look into their things. I actually ended up having a conversation with the person on the other end and she later became a good friend of mine.

When I first met her we talked every day all day, texting and AIM mostly. Teenage norm for the time I suppose, especially when cell phones were just starting to get popular. We both had plenty of drama to talk about as her father disappeared when she was very young. Her stepfather had been kicked out of their old house for hiding dildos and other sex toys within the walls. Every week Christine would find a new "treasure" hidden somewhere in the house.  Her mother was a nurse and barely made enough to support the both of them with her stepfather gone.

I think  the hardships she faced coerced her to want to finish high school. She always did well in school although she was prone to "popularity". She sold prescription drugs and weed out of her moms house when she wasn't there to fund her expensive designer clothing. She always wanted to look like a model and wouldn't let herself settle for less. She also constantly went to clubs and parties every day of the week as it was her favorite activity. It's a wonder she got the grades she did with all the drinking and partying she did. In time, I became a voice of reason for her I never abandoned her and stood by her side through the worst of things. We had our teenage moments, we kissed but she was ashamed that I wasn't going to clubs nor was I stylish and trendy. Thus she never became an "offical" girlfriend.

Every week she would find a popular guy to sleep with. I was the only person that asked her whys he was doing it. She would always reply "Because he wanted it, so I had to do it". You see, as a pretty girl in the hood she was an object and used to it. Her neighbor, a 25 year old man often asked her over when his wife was out to have sex with her when she was 13. She was used to it she said, and she liked it so it didn't bother her. At least, it didn't bother her until I created a world shattering event in her life.  After one of her usual days of being too drunk to even catch the bus I escorted her home and she tried to shove me on her bed to have sex with her. I said no, she should have some goddamn self fucking respect before she becomes a walking petri dish. When she recalled the event the next day she was a little shocked, no one had ever told her to have some self respect.

In the months that followed I became her personal therapist. She would tell me her stories of being raped, being abused and generally having her life in "the hood" play out in front of her. My advice was always the same, be strong girl. Keep your head up and keep moving forward, what options do you have otherwise? You going to stay back and just let things pile up on you? At times I would have to intervene directly. Like when the neighbor now 30 years old was looking for some more "fun".  I ended up with a black eye and he ended up with a broken arm. I should've seen it coming that she would refuse to press charges on him.

During my first years of college she ended up working at a call center for a cable company. She liked it there so I wasn't going to complain she wasn't going to college. She still lived in North Philadelphia and I still got random calls about her getting mugged at gunpoint or roofied. Near my senior year she applied to my college and got in. She told me she was determined to do amazingly well and join the marketing careers club on campus. They had a paid trip to New Orleans once a year and onyl those who had risen through the ranks of the club were allowed to go. Given her history I was a bit of a skeptic. But, she proved me wrong and chugged along and actually rose through the ranks in one semester. I can't remember how many bake sales I was coerced into buying from that year.

When I got to grad school... well.. things went a bit downhill. Without my constant reassurance and guidance she slipped away. She joined several groups on campus that in essence ruined her chances at a future. As long as I had known her she had always been bisexual and it wasn't shocking to me that she would want to join the campus LGBT club. More power to her I thought, why the hell not. Hell, "sign me up for the protests and I'll join right in", I thought it was a great thing. It turns out most of the LGBT students on campus were groomed, supported kids from the suburbs that partied all day at their parents expense. When she started skipping classes to go to parties I started asking, you sure you can still go and pass your classes? I was assured everything would be fine and she could handle it all.

My first year of grad school she told me she was now completely gay and how she wanted to be more masculine now. I asked her how she was handling the shift in community,friends and all. She assured me again she would be fine and that she was doing great. The end of the semester came in and she failed every single one of her classes. Every semester I got a call about how she was being stupid and partying every night was ruining her life and how she needed to stop. However, her new girlfriend provided pressure for her to skip classes constantly. I was two states away, and she claimed I could no longer understand her as a straight male. She slipped away entirely and dropped out of college.

She works a job at another call center now and dreams of going back to school eventually. I can't help but think that if I was still around her I could change things. But realistically I couldn't change things, it's impossible. I had my life to live and she had hers. But it's pathetic there was no one around to help her. The LGBT club on campus instead of worrying about her as a fellow student criticized her for not partying. The campus counseling centers never once made the link between her constant need for reassurance and her tattered past. Professors of course assumed that because she was doing these things she was just being a spoiled rich brat. Sadly this was all at her expense, this was all her mess she got herself into. All she needed was someone out there a social safety net on campus to tell her she was doing something wrong. I hear this again and again from underrepresented students at universities. I can't tell you how many doctoral and even medical students have told me some variation of "If it wasn't for that guy I shared my dorm with in grad school pestering me to study I would've never done it". I honestly think it's a handicap and one these students need to be trained out of. But I also think it's ignorant for people from very different backgrounds to just chalk everything up to the person being of less worth than them. This is one of the major items I would like to address in an education program if I ever become a person with some amount of wealth. However, given my current success I'm doubtful that will ever occur so perhaps I can maybe collect my plan and hand it to someone who can do something with it.

Criminal acts for long term Success, a Moral Dilemma.

If you had asked me three years ago what I thought of drug pushers years ago I would've given you a rant that lasted about an hour. My answer now is far more complex than it used to be. I am opposed to gangs and I think that the mindless, idiotic brutality expressed by "gangstas" is destroying the poor of the United States. However, gangs don't only deal in drugs, they handle prostitution, laundering and weapons sales. Hell, they even sell bootlegged DVDs and run illegal lottery schemes.

Drugs are just their best product in most places. A way to "cleanse" a shit-hole by adding some fragrance to the festering wound.  However, recently I've noticed how horribly corporate institutions treat customers and I can't help but feel some slight sympathy for some criminals. Stealing from a Walmart no longer feels as horrible as it used to.

I've started to wonder, are there any petty criminals out there that have "made it"? If I myself were to return to North Philadelphia and risk my career by selling bootleg DVDs or pot I grew myself I could easily fend off the risk of being homeless. My own values and fear of repercussions keep me from performing petty crime and instead I would find myself homeless if need be. However, I think it's come to a point where if a system is unfair as I've started in previous blog posts and you have a risky avenue to level the playing field I think it's quite morally correct to do so. I do not believe in violence or theft from others who suffer from the act (IE, the employee at Walmart has nothing to do with the execs). It's a challenging notion that now as I ageo I'm accepting petty crime like pot dealing and counterfeiting as acceptable if it helps you buy a house, move into safety and live a happy normal life. When the odds are rigged and everything is stacked against you is it wrong to cheat? Hard drugs are another matter, they often have their hands in cartels, gangs and destruction of lives. I don't think I'd ever support any involvement in those types of activities. What if I end up on the street tomorrow, would I revert to petty harmless crime to get back on my feet?

I honestly don't think I would, I'm too proud of being a "hard worker". But I've played societies game and it hasn't gotten me any closer to my goals so what do I know.

Lottery Tickets and North Philadelphia

The Powerball Lottery is at 245 million, quite a hefty figure. However in the poorest parts of the grand ol United States the lottery is both a tax and a shred of hope for the hopeless. To put this into perspective imagine for a moment you're an older person. Your education is over and probably won't help get a job. In North Philadelphia the end of your life is a world surrounded by violence. You barely have enough money to get by and life is generally depressing. You value your friends and those around you and seek joy and comfort in them.

The lottery acts as a hopeful yet unlikely thing. It promises to break the shackles of poverty and set you free. It promises to make all of your wildest dreams come true. If you play daily it even rewards you from time to time. It lets you taste it's fruit while not allowing you a bite. It calls to you and says one more play, give me one more dollar and I'll promise you riches. People line up sometimes around the block around lotto vendors. The poor are desperate for hope even in the richest country in the world. Some waste money they need for their own survival on it expecting massive returns.

Personally, I still play the lottery. Only when it's at massive jackpots to justify the loss of a dollar. The winnings would satisfy my debts, I would attempt to finish my degree without fear. I would push as hard as I could to accomplish what I can. A mentor of mine once taught me that the empires of old succeeded because they didn't have to worry about their personal well being. In my case the same is true, I'm fairly certain getting a doctoral degree would be worlds easier if I didn't have to worry about eviction every month and was not living paycheck to paycheck. I also will keep my vow to change the hellhole I came from into a proper, fluid, and successful place I can be proud of.

But, knowing my math means I know the chances of winning are beyond zero.
I will die hoping to accomplish all that I can.

Hispanic mentality and how it can go against the "American Dream"

I'll first say that before this is misconstrued into some attack against Hispanics I'll make it clear it's not. Hispanics are an incredibly diverse group of cultures and countries as such my perspective comes only as a Puerto Rican. Honestly, in my opinion Hispanics are among the hardest working people in the world.

In fact, Hispanics pose the greatest threat to the Democratic party in the country. It may seem irrelevant but consider the fact that many Hispanics are inherently conservative. Religion plays a major role in the society and as expected many of the ideals in the Hispanic community align with those of conservative Republicans. So why is it that most Hispanics vote for the Democrats in metropolitan areas? Well part of the reason is that they feel a sense of familiarity with the African American community. Both tend to have the same social issues and both tend to vote for the same parties as a result. The other issue is rampant racism on the end of conservative Republicans. If they took the opposite stance on the immigration issue with the same fervor they take on other issues they could increase the number of voters on their side greatly. However old habits die hard and thankfully for the Democratic party the chances of swaying the Hispanic Majority are slim.

Given the fact that we have a large pool of hard working people in the United States that seem to want to chase the ideal" American dream" why would I say there's a conflict then? The difference is in the end goals and aspirations for each group. An old friend of a friend was a grumpy old conservative man that used to tell me: "If you're unemployed and you find a job in retail you can work your way up the company to earn $150,000 a year. All it takes is hard work!"
The Hispanic community from my experience seems to take a more pragmatic approach of "Let's earn as much money as we can right now". Often parents are more interested in increasing potential future earnings from their children. The parents themselves are often more concerned about working as many jobs as needed to save up a sizable chunk of money. This savings spree may even mean wearing dirty clothing and skimping on basic necessities.  Hispanic parents also many times expect their children to return the favor of being brought up and expect that their children will take care of them when they are no longer able to work.

In a way, they're breaking free from the "American Dream" and following the worst case scenario. The Hispanic community prepare themselves for a future with no Social Security benefits, no pension and no nest egg large enough to see them through old age. They don't expect a college degree will really do anything unless you're a doctor. Thus the goal here seems to be set expectations as low as possible to the point any change from that encounters great resistance. If you're a Puerto Rican kid going to college your parents may hound you to do something with your life that will secure their "retirement".  Not being around your family and off in another state will take its toll as you'll be seen as uncaring and loving if you're not there all the time. Because of this many teenagers in an already vulnerable and violent environment like those found in many low income neighborhoods  in the country start out with very low goals. I have only met one other Puerto Rican graduate student in the sciences throughout all of the conferences and hundreds of people I've talked to. Call it sampling error if you like but even the programs for undergraduates that specifically take minorities rarely see them.

As I write this I look at the current statistics and outcomes for the PhD and I am becoming quite disheartened. My department is threatening cuts to degree programs that may end with me once again moving further away to find a doctoral degree. My entrepreneurial skills are slipping as I struggle to find an ideal market to bump into while doing my research at school. On top of all of this as a Puerto Rican I suppose I'm a bit different from most as my parents support my distance from home. However my father needs a lung transplant and I recently found out one of my nieces needs to be removed from her incompetent mother. If I had taken another path in life things may have been different. I would have the money and time to take care of my niece and perhaps pay for my fathers needs as well. At this point I can't help but think that the pessimistic Hispanic mentality may have helped me had I listened to it instead of romanticized versions of the "American Dream". To make things worse, you know that one Puerto Rican graduate student I know? They recently got hit with hard times on the way to their degree as well. It got to the point that I had to involve the authorities as there was a plan to commit a school shooting by this person. Thankfully that situation was handled in time and defused before anyone was hurt.

But I can't help but ask myself, how many times are we going to lie to these kids? How many times are we going to pluck hopefuls from the ghetto and send them down college career paths that are dead ends? I remember watching science demos from famous institutions at my school. I also remember people urging minority students to go into science as it'll be a great way to explore the world. They were right in some respects, science in my opinion is the best career option for someone that wants to wake up eager to go to work every morning. But most of the scientists in my field I know made it to where they are though wealthy parents or a wealthy spouse. I have neither of those and am not going to be as lucky in the end. It's morally wrong to give these kids in the ghetto the illusion that they can build a career out of the sciences and never return to "the hood". I remember once talking to a college career counselor that told me "Wherever you end up after college, it'll be better than here". As I think back that was the bigger lie I've ever been told as I face in essence deportation from the suburbs back into the "hood". If only we would tell these minority kids the real risks of going to college instead of sugar coating it because we're afraid they'll drop out like the majority. Sometimes I can't sleep at night knowing there are "timebombs" of students that will one day snap from hopelessness and do something horrible on a University campus.

Here's to hoping I win the lottery and intervene in time........

"Hoodlife" and parenting.

I am right now in a 2% profit on my portfolio and of course no closer to financial security. I did however have an interesting night listening to the Art Bell show and the crazy callers talking about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  It's a comforting closure for some but personally not something I would celebrate personally. Call it a bit of a remnant feeling from my time in North Philly.

This weekend I once again ventured into North Philadelphia to visit family members. I also ran into a few people that are now parents and my age. Thankfully, they seem to have learned from their parents and genuinely care for their children. It makes me very proud to see an old male friend take up his responsibilities as a father with serious effort.There are some "actual" men of all races in North Philly that don't see taking care of their child as a chore. Those same men take care of their children for reasons beyond "I'm supposed to do it". This sort of male bonding is important as most crimes are committed by men. Which as a result makes male role models crucially important in order to curve violence.The consequences of having a male role model gap are far more serious in the hood than in many other places.

Here's another real world example of how this sort of thing happens. Say you have a kid 8-10 years of age that has happily lived with pops all of his life. Dad's the guy that takes you out once in a while because he broke up with your mom. She's gone from home with 4-5 different boyfriends every week while your bothers are out on the street trying to sell crack. You now have a gap in your life where parents are not around and you're "forced" to take care of yourself. Time goes on and now you're 13 years old and it's that time for puberty to kick in and turn your world upside down. Unlike a "normal" kid you've known about that birds and bees crap for quite some time, possibly first grade. You also know people in school have started having sex at age 11 so you'll need to catch up to look good..

You're a goddamn kid you don't know anything about masculinity but what you see in BET, hear from  your brothers and maybe the drug dealers on the corner. Take a look at the landscape of who's around to fill the male role model gap. For those that are lucky and have some sense the church or school will quickly step in before the hood can. But sadly for many young men this isn't the case at all. One particular young man I knew followed this pattern of "gap filling" almost exactly. He ended up having a free license to go sell pot on the corner while being 13 years old. With mom running around with guys all day no one would be around to supervise him. He would eventually  start  selling from his house for convenience while  watching movies after cutting class. It worked out pretty well for him to the point he gained quite a bit of notoriety around school for being a "dealer". He was just like those guys on TV and on the corner, a badass, a "gangster". You might laugh at some small time pot dealer becoming popular but to a group of Justin Beiber aged kids he may as well have been snoop.

Then you start to see the patterns, taking pictures on Facebook with your shirt off to show everyone how built and badass you are. Start taking pictures of guns and money to put up on Facebook to show them how much "game" you got hustling. The sweet 10 year old in 3 years has now become a moronic douchebag. The girls at that teenage range also eat that shit up very quickly. They now see him as a stud and someone they're going to marry. That is if they're not already dating a guy in his mid 20's  at the age of 13. I've lost track of how many girls would go to a "neighbors" house at age 13-15 to have sex with older men that had a record. In many Hispanic communities when the parents found out they were overjoyed. "My little girl is getting married and off with a nice young man how wonderful!". The issue lies with many countries still marrying off girls around that age, tied with the fact many parents have only recently entered the United States. Thus if you consider their lens on the world  it's perfectly acceptable to have a girl that young marrying off and screwing older men who will "take care of her". Needless to say these "gangsters" usually have tons of girls they're screwing and getting pregnant. Especially when they're unsupervised most of the day and can do whatever they want.

It's sickening what happens to the children that are products of these scenarios. I remember working at a school for a few years and seeing first hand from a faculty perspective how frustrating the situation is. Often the mother has ruined her life and been abandoned by family creating an incentive to turn to drugs which  end up harming the developing fetus. The fathers I know of often gang up in little groups to talk about how "that child support money is bullshit". They often all whine in little circles about how they have a few baby mommas to take care of. It's often difficult to find  man proud of his child and willing to take the responsibility of caring the baby. What's worse is that many of these men would have to admit to having sex with a minor. They often remain silent and deny that they were the father for that reason. (Or they cheated to show how much game they have)

Now fast forward to school a few years in and you have parents in the office crying and arguing that their kid got straight A's. "The fuck, yall liyin yall trying to make me poor n shit" Direct quote from a parent who I tried to calm down when I said her son was reading at a third grade level in first. The issue is that there are a few citywide programs that provide extra funds to parents with particularly pressing needs. (It also adds to child support) Especially those with children that need special care and treatment in school. It provides a nice padding to the paychecks every month to held the mother with her... expenses... In essence many of these mothers begin to see their child as a tool for generating income with very little effort. Which is ideal if you have no skills and are addicted to crack and need the money. As a result many kids end up going to school being told by their parents to misbehave and what to say to school officials to get their attention. That particular child came to class the next day causing issues after three months of perfect behavior. He flipped over tables, he stuck his hand up a girls skirt and started cursing at everyone. His mother was overjoyed when he was transferred to special education.

It's in moments like those that I'm overjoyed to see responsible parents with little income and skills at least trying to help. They may not have much but at the very least they love their children enough not to use them. It's in this way that the children in North Philly are poorer than those in many third world countries, at least in those men and women have a great pride in their children But for those that are used as tools it's only logical the cycle will perpetuate. This is why a safe haven is imperative for older children and something I hope to attain in the future.

In the hood, the cell bars are made of pleasure

I've often mentioned that life in North Philly can get pretty depressing and if there's one thing associated with "hood life" it's drugs. Most people see a crackhead on the street and scoff when they ask for money. Those who have lived in the hood have a different perspective on the homeless and druggies however. It's somewhere in between the guy giving them money and the guy actively mocking the homeless on the street. One famous individual from when I was growing up was always called "broom man".  I even found a youtube video... of him apparently being taunted for using crack. What most people, including the younger generation in the hood don't realize is that many people like him were in situations beyond their control. Many times it's a combination of personal life circumstances and personal willpower. (Nature vs Nurture)

Broom man as he's called always carried a broom around and knocked on your door at 3 in the afternoon offering to sweep your steps. He made quite a bit of money off of this and is famous for carrying a knife inside of his hollow plastic broom. I still see him from time to time as he used to help clean our yard in the fall. I remember sometime during my college career he disappeared and people spread rumors he was dead. About a year later I saw him outside of KFC walking down the street with a big smile on his face. Cleaner and with a very different personality emanating from him. I remember going up to him and saying "damn broom man I thought you was dead?" and I'll never forget his reply "people talk a lot of shit don't they?". We talked for a while and I found out he was a Vietnam veteran who was drafted only to return home with no skills. A series of bad luck events landed him out on the street and on crack as he is today. He carries his veterans benefits documentation on him most of the time as a reminder to people.

However, Broom Man's case was relatively tame compared to most of the other druggies in the area. Steven was probably one of the worst that I remember. Steven actually finished high school and started jumping around from place to place doing odd jobs. He ended up having 9 kids and 4 "baby mommas" by the age of 30. He had a myriad of mental problems that he suppressed because of the "hood mentality" of toughness. He kept immense amounts of emotional pain hidden from everyone because it just wasn't a good thing to show weakness. When he was ten his mothers' ex boyfriend broke into her house forced him to have sex with his mother. The ex boyfriend raped and tortured her in front of him, eventually cutting her genitals out and throwing them at him. He later shot her and then himself leaving a little boy with his baby sister alone in a house with two corpses and a pool of blood. For years he never spoke to a therapist it was a sign of weakness, he never let anyone know how he felt. Many young men in North Philadelphia and many "hoods" in general perform this little self destructive act of machismo.

Today he lives on the street surviving on heroin. He is immensely depressed but cures himself with waves of pleasure from heroin. A few times I saved his life by calling an ambulance and performing emergency CPR. Heroin is a bitch of a drug that suppresses your respiratory system and leaves you with a pale as hell corpse on your couch on the verge of dying. Every single time he was brought back from the brink of death he would make up the same excuse. "Yeah, the doctor said I had all this food in my throat and I was choking on it" except for the fact I was on the ambulance with him to the hospital so I know that was a load of shit and insulting. If this sounds personal it's probably because Steven is my half brother. My father took pity on him for being homeless and let him into our home. Which of course enabled him to pursue his cure for a shitty life through drugs.

See that's the problem that these "bootstraps" people don't seem to get. No option is a good option for someone in that situation in the hood. His depression and trauma hindered his ability to perform in school. This alone would cut his chances at a future by quite a bit. Mix in the fact that if he saw the school therapist or was caught going to see a psychologist he risked being beaten by family members or people at school. They'd instantly take the position of "oh you're a fuckin pussy, suck it the fuck up you little bitch". My father was also never in his life, he was surrounded by a heavily criminalized part of the family and unable to seek help anywhere. The end result is an adult with no skills that turns to the one thing that will bring happiness in life. Drugs imprison a person in these situations and keep them there. You now have a solution to all your problems, why should you change? What, you think that fucker in a nice warm comfy home telling you what you're doing is wrong is going to change your opinion? No one in this world will help you and to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and better yourself you need to at the very least have a starting point. A reason to go out and build a life for yourself, a spark that makes you want to do those things. This is why keeping him homeless was the best option in his case. He needed to either die or come close to death and solitude in order to find a cure to the illusion of happiness from heroin.

In North Philadelphia drugs are the only cure for a life of shit. A life where nothing went well and the only way to find happiness is to buy it. This is why my conceptual organization would target those that can be saved in schools. A social safety net is required, a place where those we can save and have promise to change the "hood" can go. It's a legal minefield but it has to happen if we're to create a group of elite hopefuls out of the ghetto. Again, the money isn't there for me to do anything (my portfolio is still at a 4% loss) and the existing social safety nets are woefully inadequate so for now it'll stay a pip dream